It’s been a while since I wrote anything here, but something
very frightening happened to me that I want to talk about. I am still nervous
about it as I am not sure the incident is over.
But first some background (as usual for me).
For the past four years I have been working at a job that
has made me miserable. I had good intentions when I started there, as the
company’s CEO was someone I have known for 40 years and I’ve known the guy I
would be reporting direct to for 25 years. Within 18 months both would be gone
– tossed out by a venture capital group that wanted to put in their own people.
These new people had no idea how to run a software company, so before long a
30+ person company became a 12 person company. I ended up doing the job of
three people as they never hired anyone to replace those who left/were laid
off.
I will not go into all the details about all the things that
were wrong with the software and the company (which I am sure you are all
breathing a sigh of relief over). All that matters is that I ended up hating
every moment I was there. I became depressed, gained weight, and caused those
around me to worry about me. Naturally I looked for another job; I went to many
interviews, several second interviews, but could never get a job offer. I
finally became so depressed that I stopped trying. I resigned myself to being
in my horrible job for the foreseeable future.
That was my state until a few weeks ago when out of the blue
a headhunter approached me with a position that was as close to a perfect job
as I could imagine. I literally jumped out of my chair when she described it to
me. I forced myself out of my funk and gave three of the best job interviews I
had ever done. Miraculously, I got the job.
I wish I could describe the feeling of relief I had when
they made the offer. It made the last two weeks at my old job bearable, as I
kept saying to myself “In X days it won’t matter.” I could not leave that place
fast enough on the last day.
My first week on the new job was almost like a vacation. The
people are great, the location is wonderful, and the work is interesting. There
is public transportation available so I could start reading on the commute as I
had done years ago (I have an eight-year backlog of reading material). At the end of the day of that first week I
had felt better than I had in years. I rode home on the bus planning on a
stress-free weekend for the first time in years.
The next thing I can remember is being wheeled into a CT
scanner at the hospital. I had no idea how I got there or what was going on.
I am told that I came home, talked to my family and then
went out to pick up dinner from a local place we often get food from. On my way there I lost track of where I was and what I was doing.
Fortunately I had the cognizance to park (only 5 minutes from home) and call
home for help. My wife drove out to get me and took me to the hospital
where I was given tests to see if I had had a stroke or a seizure. I have to
take people’s word that is what happened. I have almost no memory at all of the
six hour period between when I was on the bus and when I was going into the
scanner.
From that point on I was back to normal. The hospital did
one more test (EEG) and let me go. I have not had any issues since then.
The doctors diagnosed my incident as transient global
amnesia. The description I looked up (http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/transient-global-amnesia/DS01022) fit exactly with what I had gone through. I was just like the character in
Memento (hence the Guy Pearce reference in the title) .
While I feel fine I still have worries. First of all, transient
global amnesia is one of those “We can’t determine what else it could be so it
must be this” kind of conditions. They cannot definitively say I had it as
there is nothing they can test for – my memory loss could have been the sign of
something more serious. (Side note: the website said sexual intercourse could trigger transient
global amnesia. That I could have had sex at last and now can't remember it would fit in well with my life story.) Second, they say that it is “unlikely” that memory loss
could reoccur. I do not get much reassurance in that. I still test my memory periodically
for any recent gaps. I don’t know how long it will take before I feel
comfortable again.
I want to mention two final incidents that occurred during my
hospital stay. The first is an explanation of why I wrote that I have “almost”
no memory of that time period. Throughout my stay the doctors and nurses asked
me questions to test my memory (who were the last five presidents, where was I,
etc.). I can remember them asking me what my job was, my saying I was still at
my old job, and my wife reminding me of my new job. However, I remember this as
occurring several weeks earlier before I had gotten the job. It is as if my
mind took this memory and found a slot for it in my past. Even though I know
that incident happened during my hospital stay I still remember it earlier.
Second, the doctors and nurses always asked me if I knew
what day it was. The problem with that was there was a large day-by-day
calendar on the wall of my hospital room. Whenever they asked I would point at the
calendar and say “I think it must be that”.
