How I discovered the alternate use for my penis

George Carlin did a routine about young girls and banisters. The basis of the routine was that young girls discovered masturbation from the sensations they felt when sliding down banisters. I don’t know about little girls but it sure was the way I found out.

Many years ago I was a pretty average kid that ran around with friends playing games, climbing trees, doing all the usual guy stuff; etc. One of my friends lived on an upper floor. We would go to his apartment to play Strat-O-Matic baseball or some board game. When we left his apartment, we would slide down the banisters to each floor. We did this for years.

One time, when I was sliding down the banister I had a feeling that I had never felt before. It was a slight, but nice feeling right at the place where I sat on the banister. I noticed it again the next time I went down the banister. And the time after that.

After a few more times, I noticed that I got the greatest sensation when I slid down on my taint. While this was vital information, I couldn’t really explore it further. My friends were noticing that I was a little slow getting off the banister and I had a tendency for going back up the stairs and sliding down again. I had to stop for a while.

Stopping left me in a frustrated state. I was getting hooked on the feeling. I had to find another source. I lived in a triple-decker. While the back stairs had a banister, the stairs were in a tight spiral – not suitable for sliding on. At best, all I could do was lie on it. Being desperate, I tried it. I adjusting myself so my taint rested right on the railing. Since I couldn’t slide on it, I tried rocking on it, swinging my legs back and forth. Oh ho! The nice feeling was starting again. I pumped my legs a bit more – oh yeah! The feeling was coming back.
For a few weeks I indulged myself on the back stairs, but I knew this would not be an adequate substitution. First of all I was at home; I knew instinctively that this behavior was not something my mother should find me doing. Secondly, the backstairs banister wasn’t all that sturdy. I could easily see breaking it as I got more and more enthusiastic about my rocking. I had to find still another substitute.

I found the solution as I was sitting in the only place that I was guaranteed privacy – the bathroom. As I sat and thought about my situation, I noticed the bathtub. In a way, the side of the bathtub resembled a banister (at least in my banister-obsessed mind). I straddled the edge of the tub – one leg in, one leg out. I positioned myself on my taint and since I was on my hands and knees I was able to rub against the tub just that way. Oh yeah, this was perfect.

After a few days with my new play space, I began to notice that the edge of the tub was getting dirty. I realized this was due to my pants zipper and snap rubbing against it. Naturally, the solution was to take my pants off. This led to two immediate problems: my tighty whities weren’t as slippery as my pants and the tub was cold. I gave it my best shot, but it just wasn’t as satisfying.

Again, the obvious solution was right in the tub. I took off my underwear and soaped up the side of the tub. Now I had the slipperiest banister of them all. I still had a temperature problem, but between using warm water to soap up the tub and the heat generated by my rubbing, it soon warmed up.

I was in heaven. I did get some complaints about how long I took in the bathroom, but no one suspected a thing. Rubbing the tub was almost a daily routine. The easiest time was right after a bath: wash, soap, mount, and slide. I eventually switched from soaping the tub to just soaping myself – getting my balls and penis all slippery added to my enjoyment.

As time went by, a few thorns started to appear. First, I realized I was putting a lot of pressure on my balls. I tried to relieve the pressure with my arms and legs, but I needed to press down to get the feeling - which was increasing the more I did it. I also noticed that the underside of my penis developed a flat section right under the tip – it almost looked like I was wearing it down. It worried me – not enough to make me stop, but it was troubling.

Then something really strange was starting to happen. My penis started getting hard when I did my rubbing. It was strange – it would get soft again when I stopped, but it kept getting hard. It confused the hell out of me. I eventually figured out that this was the “boner” that my friends referred to. Ignorant guy that I was I did not know what that meant.

The hardness of my penis interfered with my rubbing. I had to press down with my stomach to get it to lie flat on the tub so I could rub. It was a struggle to adjust my balls, press down on my penis, and stay lubed up all during my rubbing, but I wasn’t going to let anything stop me from getting that feeling. As I had said before, the feelings were getting stronger the more I rubbed. I could sense that there was still something missing, some goal I was close to achieving but hadn’t quite gotten. I kept at it almost daily until it all came together (in all sense of the word).

One day I was rubbing away when the feeling started getting stronger than I had ever felt before. It kept getting stronger the more I rubbed. I kept going – faster and faster, harder and harder until finally – OH MY GOD WHAT WAS THAT!!!! The feeling exploded inside me (which was fantastic) and then something came out of my penis (which was scary) It didn’t feel at all like pee. I sat up and looked. What the hell is that white goo? OH MY GOD! IT”S MY BALLS! I CRUSHED MY BALLS AND IT CAME OUT OF MY DICK!

My panic was strong. The goo was very yucky – I couldn’t tell how much there was because of all the soap I had used. I had no idea what I had done to myself. I had to tell my mother so she could get me to the hospital! I sought frantically for an story that would explain my physical situation without getting into what I had been doing. Fortunately I calmed down enough to reason things out. I wasn’t in any pain – in fact I had just had the most pleasurable moment of my life. My balls seemed pretty solid. There was no blood. Then what the hell… wait a minute. I thought about the jokes and stories my friends had told me over the years. That goo wasn’t my balls; it was cum! I came! I actually came!!! Boner, cuming, cum – it all made sense! Geez, no wonder people tried to cum, that was awesome!

I kept on my soapy rubbing hobby for many weeks after that, thoroughly hooked, until I finally figured out how to jack off. I was quite happy with the change: it was a lot simpler, easier to clean up after and didn’t crush my balls.